The striped towel on top is a representative of the bath towels I had throughout all of high school. I got them to take to summer camp the year between middle school and high school. Their last real use was on my trip to Israel between high school and college. Nowadays we use those towels on the floor of the bathroom and not to dry our bodies. The two blue towels on the left are what I have used since freshman year of college. The three towels on the right are the brand new towels which arrived today.

Now, the first thing you need to know is that every solid colored towel pictured here is technically not a bath towel. They are technically classified as bath sheets. You might go into your local towel shoppe and see really ultra-big bath towels on sale for a decent price. And no doubt, they will be bigger than the default bath towels. But none of them come close to the size of the bath sheet. Bath sheet is the secret codeword for “towel that is actually large enough to dry an adult human being”. Here is a picture so you can see what I mean.

The striped one is a standard sized bath towel. It is what most people dry themselves with after a shower or bath. I’m no fatty, in fact I’m anti-obesity, but that towel is too fucking small for an adult human. I need at least two of them to dry myself adequately.

So? Buy awesome bath sheets, problem solved. Not so. The average price for a bath sheet ranges from $20 to $40 depending on quality, color and actual size. Many bath sheets are plenty long, but lack width. Make sure you’re getting something at least 34″ wide. The two blue ones were found by my mother. She got them at BJ’s on sale for a crazy low price. She was never able to find them at BJ’s again, and she regrets not buying more of them. Most stores don’t carry bath sheets at all. When you are lucky enough find them in a store the color selection is limited and the price is high.

Now you’re wondering where I got my new three awesome towels, aren’t you? You know I’m not the kind of person stupid enough to pay $120 for three towels. Three towels are not worth the same as four Nintendo DS games by any stretch of the imagination. Well, if you were paying attention to my del.icio.us links you would have noticed my link to domestications. My mom actually clued me into this site. They have bath sheets in a wide variety of colors for $8.88 each! Unbelievable. I immediately ordered three and my roommate ordered two.

If you are frustrated with the size and quality of your current bath towels I suggest you upgrade to some bath sheets. That way you can fully dry your body with just one large piece of cloth. If you are at least an averaged size adult human being I don’t see how you can not have towels of proper size. Have fun drying yourself everybody.