Subway Stress Test

So I get to the city at Grand Central then I have to walk all the way up to Penn Station where my place of employment is. It takes too long to take two separate subways to go that entire distance, so walking is best. But sometimes I’m in a big hurry, or the weather is terrible. In these cases I use the S train from Times Square to Grand Central to hasten the trip.

In the Times Square end of the line there are people there every day with a table setup giving away free stress tests. I never paid them much heed other than being smart enough not to think twice about their bait. But I just noticed something recently that set me alight. What they were basically doing is hooking people up to a non-scientific hokey instrument to break the ice and try to sell them something. That’s not out of the ordinary nowadays. What really got me was what they were selling. Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard. They were Scientologists! Scientologists are the largest, most evil and most hated cult on earth. Especially by me. I have decided that in the future, on some lousy day when I have nothing better to do, I will spend all my time in the subway harassing them. It will be so much fun.

Ideas to make this more fun include:

  • Getting them to sell us books and record them doing it. It’s against the MTA rules and they will be ousted.
  • Flash mobbing them and freaking them the fuck out. A large enough mob could make a human wall that would simultaneously intimidate and prevent people from taking the tests.
  • Handing out informative leaflets explaining the truth about scientology so people know what the fuck is going on. Standard signs and informative soap boxing are also the standard.
  • Taking stress tests over and over again. They’re free right? If we are the only ones taking the tests nobody else will be able to.
  • Video, video, video. You never know what might happen if you end up in court for something crazy. Those cultists love lawyers, but even they can’t argue a video.
  • I don’t know the rules about fire in the subway, but if they are giving away free books we can take them and destroy them all. it costs them money!

Those are the only great ideas I can come up with right now. Help me out if you come up with anything else. It will also be necessary to be aware of all the rules and regulations of what you can and cannot do in the subway station. If police or MTA police show up we want them on our side. In fact, if they showed up and were on our side, we win.

I’m dead serious about this. If you are a scientologist you might want to warn your buddies, not like it will do you any good. If you aren’t a scientologist, don’t become one. Other sites on the Internet will explain the whole thing to you. They basically take all your money and brainwash you. I mean, their “religion” was made up on a bet by a science fiction author. And if you hate scientologists as much as I do, come help me out!

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